Telephone
by RegenesisX
Summary: In which Genesis learns just how frustrating new technology can be.


**Author's Note:** I actually ran out of time this afternoon to finish this, but I'm posting the first half now because I'm impatient :P

**Disclaimer:** I don't own FFVII

* * *

**Telephone**

_Sorry, I cannot hear you, I'm kind of busy. ~ Lady Gaga, Telephone_

Genesis swore as a bubble of grease from the frying pan popped and splattered hot oil on his wrist. Shaking his hand to relieve the burn, he glanced around the counter.

"Where the hell is that spatula?" he muttered, frowning. He'd had it just a second ago, hadn't he? It wasn't on the stove, or next to the sink, or on the island amongst the can openers. Shaking his head, Genesis ran a hand through his disheveled hair. His alarm clock had been kind enough to allow him an extra half-hour of sleep, but that meant his morning routine had to be condensed considerably. And on top of it all, Cloud—who usually made breakfast if he was running late—was nowhere to be found.

Genesis turned away from the stove to lean over the island counter. "Cloud?" he called. _"Cloud!"_

"Coming!" came a muffled voice from the hall. A few moments later, the blond Third appeared. His uniform shirt was on backwards and his head was bowed as he rapidly tapped away at the PHS in his hands.

"What took you so long?" Genesis demanded.

There was a brief hesitation before Cloud replied as he finished whatever he was typing, then glanced up. "Oh, sorry," he said. "I was just texting Zack?"

Genesis blinked. "Texting?"

"Yeah. It's on the new PHS models," Cloud replied, waving his phone. "It's like email, only... better."

"As fascinating as that sounds, I'm running late and Lazard is going pissed and if you don't want burnt bacon and pancakes, you're going to have to help me with breakfast." Genesis waited a few moments, but all that answered him where the _click-clicks_ of the buttons on the PHS. "Cloud, did you hear me?"

"Yeeeeeeeeah," Cloud drawled, then snapped his head back up. "What did you say?"

Metaphorical smoke poured out of Genesis' ears and he gritted his teeth, trying to keep his temper in check. "Go check the bacon while I look for my damn spatula."

Cloud gave him an odd look. "You mean the one in your hand?"

Glancing down, Genesis realized the spatula in question was indeed clutched tightly in his right hand. "Yes," he hissed, closing his eyes. He took a deep breath in the hopes of finding a moment of inner peace, but all he could see was fire and explosions and burning buildings and space rocks crushing Midgar. "I don't feel like eating anymore," he said to Cloud, thrusting the spatula at him.

"Are we still training later?" Cloud asked as he left the kitchen.

"If nothing else goes wrong today," Genesis replied, snatching his coat off the back of the couch and pulling it on. It was only when he was halfway to Lazard's office, in an elevator with a secretary, that he realized he was still wearing his pajama pants.

* * *

Just as Cloud had locked the bathroom stall door behind him, he felt a familiar buzzing in his back pocket and pulled out his PHS to check his messages.

_Hi :)_

Cloud rolled his eyes. That was the fifth time in the past twenty minutes Zack had texted him that. _I'm in the bathroom,_ he replied, then snapped his phone shut. Seconds later, it buzzed again.

_Me too!_

_I'm not talking to you on the toilet,_ Cloud said, giving the send button an extra hard jab.

_Why not?_

_Because that's weird. And what if I drop my phone in the toilet?_

_Then you fish it out again._

Cloud snorted, then covered his mouth. _Ew, Zack. That's gross. I'm not sticking my hand in a toilet._

_You'd leave your poor phone to die?_

_Yes. Let me go to the bathroom._

After waiting a few moments, Cloud was satisfied that Zack had gotten the message and shoved his phone back in his pocket. And then it buzzed again.

_Hi :)_

"Dear Goddess, Zack," Cloud muttered. A face suddenly appeared underneath the stall partition and he shrieked.

"Hi Cloud!" Zack grinned.

"Don't _do_ that!" Cloud said, swinging his foot at Zack. The older boy quickly dodged it. "I'm going to have nightmares people watching me go to the bathroom!"

Zack's laughter echoed over from the stall next door.

* * *

Genesis muttered softly under his breath as he counted the ceiling tiles in the training room. He lay flat on his back, his coat having been discarded in the corner of the room. Rapier lay beside him, offering only its silent companionship in its owner's numerical quest. He'd gotten up to three hundred and forty eight when the training room doors finally slid open.

The redhead snapped his gaze over towards the doors, fully prepared to skewer whoever dared interrupt his counting. His mood darkened when he saw who it was.

"You're late," he snapped, sitting up.

"I know," Cloud said, sounding out of breath. "I'm sorry."

"But you're not just five minutes late." Genesis clambered to his feet and picked up Rapier. "Oh, no. You're an entire _hour_ late."

Cloud shrunk into his collar, blinking his wide blue eyes up at his mentor.

"So, Strife," Genesis drawled, "care to tell me where you were?"

"I-I, um..." The blond visibly swallowed. "I was talking to, uh, Zack. A-And I guess I got... distracted?"

The redhead blinked. "Distracted."

Biting his bottom lip, Cloud nodded.

"I see. And while you were distracted, I counted every tile in this damn room _fourteen times._ I still haven't changed out of my pajamas yet!" Genesis pointed at his bright purple pajama pants. "Do you know how hard it is to count identical white tiles without losing track?"

"I-I don't, sir."

"It's like trying fill a tub of water using only your hands."

"I can imagine, sir."

"Get a weapon before I decide to exhibit poor sportsmanship," Genesis snapped, gesturing towards the racks of swords on the wall. He paced back and forth while he waited for Cloud, clenching and unclenching his free hand.

Cloud returned holding a standard-issue SOLDIER broadsword. "Are you sure you don't want to change your pants?"

"No," Genesis growled, taking a swing at him.

After a long day of strange looks and muffled snickers at is attire, it felt good to finally be relieving some of his pent up negative energy. Every strike and thrust was the untimely death of every single person who slowed to stare at him. He could hear Cloud's pants and startled yelps over the clang of metal as the swords clashed together, but ignored them. His apprentice could use some good, old-fashioned, life-flashing-before-his-eyes exercise.

Just as Genesis was preparing to disarm his opponent and dismember—er, force him to yield, Cloud suddenly held up a hand. Genesis stopped, then watched in utter bafflement as the blond pulled his PHS out of his back pocket and flipped it open. He grinned at whatever was on the screen, then started typing away.

"...Cloud?"

Silence.

Genesis marched over to Cloud and slapped a hand over his phone. "Tell Zack you can't talk—you're training."

"This isn't Zack; it's Kunsel."

"I thought you didn't like Kunsel."

"I don't," Cloud replied, giving Genesis a 'duh' look.

Genesis raised his eyebrows. "So why are you talking to him?"

Cloud shrugged, shaking the redhead's hand off his phone so he could continue typing. Genesis stood there, staring, in utter disbelief. Since when had Cloud started putting talking to _Kunsel_ above his training?

"When you want to _train_, come find me," Genesis said, spinning on his heel to leave.

"Hey! Wait, where are you going?"

"I'll see you later, Cloud."

* * *

The week continued to march on, taking no consideration for the fact that Genesis was growing more harried and miserable. By Friday, he was seriously considering slapping a letter of resignation on Lazard's desk and heading back to Banora. Stopping outside Sephiroth's office, Genesis banged loudly on it before inviting himself in.

Sephiroth was seated at his desk, typing away on his computer. Genesis didn't take much notice of him. Instead, he flopped down on the general's couch with a tired groan.

"You look awful," Sephiroth told him.

Genesis peeked out underneath his messy hair. "I know," he said through his teeth.

"Are you hot?"

"What?"

"You're not wearing your coat," Sephiroth noted.

"Oh." Genesis propped himself up on his elbows. "I left it in a training room on Monday and some genius decided to take it." Later that evening, he'd gone back for it only to find it was gone. A pair of Seconds had probably found it and decided it would be funny to parade around in Commander Rhapsodos' coat. When he found out who'd taken it, he was going to Apocalypse them into next year.

Sephiroth furrowed his brow. "Did you shave this morning?"

One of Genesis' hands flew to his cheek. Sure enough, he could feel the tiny prickles of hair pressing back against his palm. "Damn it!" He banged his forehead against the arm of the couch. "I swear to Minerva, if this week gets any worse, I'm going to commit mass homicide."

"Why? What's happened?"

Genesis rolled over onto his back. "Nothing catastrophic has happened, but the little things add up, you know? Like forgetting to change out of my pajamas and losing my coat and getting stuck in an elevator with Reno for two hours and accidentally dumping coffee all over my favorite copy of _LOVELESS_ and getting peanut butter stuck in the gears of a can opener and stapling my reports to my shirt." Closing his eyes, he let out a heavy sigh. "And all Cloud has done this week is text on that _stupid_ phone. I can't even get through a conversation with him anymore without being interrupted by someone else obviously more important than me."

The sound of Sephiroth's typing filled the room.

To Genesis, it sounded like millions of little gremlins tap dancing inside his head. All of them were laughing at him; their disgusting little faces twisted into evil grins as they mocked him for being unable to remember his pants, that he'd ruined his favorite book, that he was such a pathetic failure. Letting out a cry of utter frustration, Genesis leaped from the couch and dove for Sephiroth's desk. He ripped the laptop away from the general and snapped it shut, then hurried over to the window and heaved it straight through the glass. It hurled down towards the street below.

Sephiroth was at the window, staring horrified after it. "Why did you do that?"

"You weren't listening to me!" Genesis snapped. "You were typing on that damn machine!"

"I _was_ listening! I had a report due to Lazard in less than an hour." Sephiroth pointed at the shattered glass. "And you just threw it out my window!"

Genesis tilted his chin up. "I am more important than Lazard," he spat, then marched out of Sephiroth's office.

* * *

Storm Fairbanks shifted awkwardly outside Commander Rhapsodos' office, one hand poised to knock. The red leather coat was heavy on his right arm. He hoped the commander wouldn't be too angry and think he'd taken the coat. Well, he _had_ taken it, but only with the intention of returning it. It had just taken him all week to work up the gumption to actually face Commander Rhapsodos.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Storm forced himself to knock. His heartbeat sped up and his green eyes darted around the hallway. What if it just ditched the coat and ran?

But it was too late. The door was flung open and Storm found himself staring up at a seriously pissed-off looking commander. Deep purple bags hung under his glowing blue eyes, which zeroed in on the coat hung over Storm's arm.

"I-I-I b-brought this for you," Storm squeaked, offering him the coat. He jumped when the commander snatched it, carefully scrutinizing the leather.

"Where did you find this?" the redhead asked.

"I-In a training room, s-sir," Storm said. "I was m-m-mopping the f-floors, and I found in the corner..."

"You just found it there?"

"N-no, I... I found it on Monday, sir?"

The commander's eyes narrowed. "You've had it all week?"

Storm nodded.

"Well..." The redhead glanced between Storm and the coat. "I suppose it appears to be in good condition."

"I cleaned it for you, sir."

"Did you?" Raising his eyebrows, the commander felt the leather. "Well... I... Thank you, Cadet."

The words brought a smile to Storm's face. "You're welcome, sir."

* * *

"Cloud, look!" Genesis burst into the apartment, waving his coat around. "I have my coat back! Some cadet showed up at my office today and returned it. He cleaned it and everything!"

"Cool," Cloud said absently. He didn't even bother to glance up from his PHS.

Genesis' excitement was instantly deflated. Shoulders dropping, he stopped in the middle of the living room. "You don't even care, do you."

There was a slight hesitation until Cloud briefly looked up at him. "Care about what?"

"About me! About anything that's been going on this week!" Genesis threw his coat onto the armchair. "I've been having the most God-awful week of my life, and you've barely even bothered to look at me when I'm talking to you!"

"I care," Cloud protested, but even as he said it, he glanced down when his phone vibrated.

"No. You don't." Genesis snatched Cloud's phone out of his hands.

"Hey! Give that back!"

"Who are you even talking to that's more important than me?" Genesis asked.

"Tom," Cloud replied, as though it should have been obvious.

Genesis arched an eyebrow. "And who the hell is Tom?"

"He's a Third that Kunsel knows," Cloud said.

"Have you even met him?"

"Well, no, but..."

"Do you know how absolutely ridiculous you've been acting?" Genesis snapped. "You're so fixated on this little piece of trash that you're forgetting the rest of the world is going on without you. I've been having nightmares about staplers coming to life and I can't even talk to you about them because all you do is sit there and stare at your phone!"

Cloud adopted an offended look. "I have other friends besides you, you know."

Genesis stared Cloud down, clenching his jaw while he thought. "Fine. If you'd rather communicate with your friends over a cheap chunk of plastic, so be it. But I'm not talking to you anymore."

And with that, Genesis marched away, leaving Cloud alone with his PHS.

* * *

**A/N:** Gosh, I really missed making Genesis' life miserable.


End file.
